David Burrows - Fantasy Author and Tips on Writing a Book.

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Ahhh - Jogging Nightmare

Out jogging today and the path was blocked by 5-6 people with dogs, standing an chatting. As I approached, most of them stepped back to let me through -- apart from one woman who looked and then went back to chatting.

Thanks to her I had to step around them, on to very muddy ground. You guessed it, wallop -- straight on my backside. All pride gone.

Thanks lady!

Cruel Genie Fantasy Joke

A guy was walking on a beach when he found an old lamp. He rubbed it to get a better look at what he'd found. Pow, out pops a genie.

In typical fashion, if you've ever met a genie, the genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man was shocked that the genie knew he had an ex-wife, but then again he was a genie.

After thinking for a while he said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and of course his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would like a million pounds." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million pounds.

Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

Check out more Fantasy Jokes at http://davidsfantasyjokes.blogspot.co.uk/

David's Fantasy Characters

Death Knight These occur twice in Prophecy of the Kings and in slightly different guises. The most formidable are those created in the name of Ryoch, the false god. I’ll leave it to the novel to explain how these are created, but beware…it’s very gruesome.

Demon. The demon world is dying and demons cross the Divide to harvest souls. The Divide is only thin enough to allow this every 500 years. Demons are very powerful and the more powerful the demon the harder it is to summon it. Only the bravest sorcerers can summon demons and this is via elementals. Once summoned it is a battle of wills and the sorcerer often has to fight for the sake of his own soul! An eternity of damnation awaits if he/she gets it wrong.

See my list of characters from the Prophecy of the Kings at

http://davidburrows.org.uk/fantasy_creatures.html

Saturday, 25 January 2014

Fairy Joke

An elf walks into a bar and asks the orc bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The orc considers it, then agrees. The elf reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny fairy. He reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The fairy stretches, cracks her knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the elf finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The elf reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing the blues along with the fairy's music.

While the elf is enjoying his beverages, an ogre confronts him and offers him $100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the elf replies, "he's not for sale." The ogre increases the offer to $250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The ogre again increases the offer, this time to $500,000 cash. The elf finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the ogre in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the elf answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the fairy is a ventriloquist."

Friday, 24 January 2014

Fantasy Creatures from Prophecy of the Kings

Check out the fantasy creatures/characters in Prophecy of the Kings in the link below:

Sorcerer. Wow. What to say. Definitely not wizards and never accuse a sorcerer of being a wizard. They use elementals as their source of power, that is until Drachar discovers the demon world, then the proverbial cat is amongst the pigeons. They may use a kara-stone but to them it is an interesting bauble rather than a source of power. It takes courage being a sorcerer. Summoning demons is not without danger!

Wizard. Often frustrated that their power is so limited. Magic is within them, like having a well within which magic can be filled. The well is incomplete and magic slowly seeps from it. If a wizard finds a kara-stone, then it’s a different story. Kara-stones can also contain magic, but much more than any individual. Is a wizard with a kara-stone equal in power to a sorcerer. That’s not a wise question to raise out loud and is likely to result in a bloodbath.
Kara-stone. These are very rare and many ponder where they originated from. Rumour has it that they are the essence of a magic user when they die. Other rumours are they are the remains of a Kalanth.

http://davidburrows.org.uk/fantasy_creatures.html

Saturday, 11 January 2014

Orc Fantasy Joke - one of my favourites :)

A giant Orc was walking through the forest when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The Orc roared, 'Who is the king of the forest?', and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Great One.' The troll walked off pleased.

Soon he came across a mule drinking at a lake. The Orc roared, 'Who is the king of the forest?' and the mule replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The Orc walked off pleased.

Then he came across a Troll. 'Who is the king of the forest?' he roared. With that, the Troll threw the Orc across a tree and jumped on him. The Orc scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.