Anyone help me out to improve this please??
"In a heart-pounding adventure Kaplyn must find the whereabouts of the Eldric and more importantly their sorcery. Demon activity is on the increase and only sorcery can defeat them. However, the Eldric mysteriously disappeared soon after the Krell Wars many years ago and no one knows their fate.
An Eldric city holds the key, but its ghosts are reluctant to give up their secret. Vastra, a self professed sorcerer claims to know about demons and the Eldric, but he is arrogant and manipulative. He also harbours a secret for which he will kill to protect.
The scene is set and the enemy are not idle. Summoning demons is fraught with danger. However, a gateway to the demon world would release untold power at little cost. The race is on to stop the demon hordes and countless lives … and souls are at stake."
Many thanks in advance
David
Demon activity is on the rise, lives are at stake, and the only way to stop the demon hordes is through the use of sorcery. Problem is, only the Eldric, an ancient race of sorcerors, can wield the great power. Unfortunately, the Eldric all disappeared after fighting in the Krell Wars many years ago. It's up to Kaplyn, a......... (you get the drift)
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Thanks KKnight. Much appreciated.
DeleteSecond attempt:
ReplyDeleteDemon activity is on the rise and both lives and souls are at stake. The only proven way to stop the demon hordes is through the use of sorcery. The problem is, only the Eldric, an ancient race of sorcerers, can use sorcery and they mysteriously disappeared soon after the legendary Krell Wars. Wizards exist, but their power is but a summer breeze compared to sorceries tempestuous might.
It's up to Kaplyn to find the Eldric and their sorcery. An Eldric city holds the key, but its recovery comes at a price. Vastra, claiming to be the only remaining sorcerer, knows about both demons and the Eldric, but he is arrogant, manipulative and harbours a secret for which he will kill to protect.
The scene is set and the enemy have not been idle. Summoning demons is fraught with danger and many a sorcerer’s soul has been sent screaming to hell in the attempt. A gateway to the demon world, by comparison, would release untold power at little cost. The race is on to stop a gateway being opened and soon dragons and demons will clash in a struggle for power. One world dies and the ghost of a dead emperor sets his sites on another.
Sorry I didn't get here earlier. The first paragraph reads much better now. {SMILE}
ReplyDeleteNow... what is Kaplan? I assume he's human, but is he a wizard's apprentice? A guard? A thief? A farm boy? Some word or phrase to describe his background as it appears at first would give an impression of how well or poorly equipped he is for this task. It can always turn out to be mistaken, but give an initial impression. {Smile}
After that... add doubt. The city might hold the key, but that could come at a great price. You do imply that Vastra might not be the sorcerer he claims to be, but does he really know about demons and the Eldric? Or is that another claim that might not be true?
As for the last paragraph, it's good to know the enemy wasn't idle, but I'd expect o to hear what they're up to after that. I assume it involves those demons, but the information about the demons doesn't show any action. If you could tie the information to what the enemy is doing, it should be more gripping. That's what you want in a blurb. {Smile}
A.E.B.
Anne, brilliant feedback and may thanks. Kaplyn is one of my lead characters. I'll have a look at my original and incorporate changes, so many thanks.
DeleteI'm glad I could help. In revising, I try to throw out enough suggestions that some will be useful. {SMILE, wink}
DeleteA.E.B.