Worst line in a book. Anyone beat this?

"XXX put on his best menacing face and stared a hole through the man in front of him."

I read this recently and to be honest it's rather put me off Indie books. Probably not forever, but it may take a while. I feel a little shell-shocked. Currently reading book 14 or Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time. Another reason for feeling fragile. (Do not read books 8-11!!)

Now I know it's easy to include a howler when you write 90,000 words but I especially liked this line. Not sure why, but it stood out. On Amazon the book has lots of reviews and all 4 and 5 star (apart from one chap! Not me by the way, but I liked his honesty.)

XXX was the name of the character - please insert Bert or some such.

My Experiences Book Signing at Demoncon

Here's I am at Demoncon with my new roller poster. Very good value and very good printing. I was amazed by all the other roller posters. Brilliant kit for attracting attention.

It's a long day when you are book signing and I was surprisingly tired afterwards. I was armed with business cards, flyers and reviews and many of these disappeared swiftly. Many thanks to all those people who came across to talk to me. I hope my fantasy garb didn't put too many off. It's my Saxon kit from re-enactment and I need to make some changes to make it look more like fantasy than Saxon, so any suggestions welcome. A pendant to ward off demons would be a good start. 

If you haven't been to a convention like this before, it's worth attending. The costumes are amazing and very well done. It's very light hearted and fun. I'm definitely game to try another event. More fantasy next time rather than SciFi, perhaps. Any suggestions?

I saw the Witch-King of Angmar Today - Honest

Wow. Guess who I saw today - and survived!!

I wasn't even scared. I could have taken him!! Mind you Bobba Fett was behind me. Amazing costumes at Demoncon 7.

Another strange fantasy creature.

This site splices images together very effectively. I particularly liked this one.

Not sure I'd take it home though. Good imagination and very skilful.

http://petapixel.com/2013/05/25/photoshop-chimeras-fantasy-creatures-created-by-splicing-photos/

Fantasy Creatures by David Burrows

Imp. An imp is a lesser demon and their power is limited, hence they resort to spreading illness and plague. However, they are also a useful conduit to their more powerful brethren. Very nasty creatures on the scale of things. Avoid at all cost and you very soul may be jeopardy!

Kara-stone. These are very rare and many ponder where they originated from. Rumour has it that they are the essence of a magic user when they die. Other rumours are they are the remains of a Kalanth. Wizards use them to enhance their abilities, by storing magic within them.

Fairy Godmother Joke.

An elderly lady, rocking on her front porch wistfully reflected on her long life. Abruptly her Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared before her and said she'd grant her 3 wishes and sorry for the delay.

"Well," said the woman, "If you really are my Fairy godmother make me rich beyond my wildest dreams."
She was amazed as her house turned to solid gold with emerald decorated windows.

"Wow! Can you turn me into a beautiful, young princess," she said.

Without a word the Fairy Godmother waved her wand and the elderly lady was transformed into a beautiful young princess.

"Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. "Oh," the woman said, "please turn my cat into a handsome young prince?"

With a swish of her wand the cat was transformed and standing before her was a handsome young man with long flowing hair.

She looked up at him, love reflected in her young eyes. Smiling, he bent down and said, "I'll bet now you're sorry you had me neutered!"
http://davidsfantasyjokes.blogspot.co.uk/

More Fantasy Creatures

This is quite neat.

There's a whole page of them here:

http://petapixel.com/2013/05/25/photoshop-chimeras-fantasy-creatures-created-by-splicing-photos/

Fantasy Critters

Wow, really strange and oddly lifelike. A little like Gremlins, before they turn nasty.

http://sobadsogood.com/2014/01/25/these-awesome-fantasy-creatures-look-like-real-animals/

DEMONCON 7

DEMONCON 7 -- this coming Sunday 16th Feb in Maidstone. I'm book signing if anyone is in the area. Drop in for a chat  

It is ticketed and the link is below.https://www.facebook.com/events/549656095112449/

David's Fantasy Creatures

Elemental. Imagine a spinning flame with a small insignificant figure dancing a frenzied dance as his/her life force expires. Elementals exist partway between the spirit and mortal world and are the link between sorcerers and demons. Spells can be cast through elementals but these are weak by comparison to spells cast through demons. Drachar’s Demons is a good source of information on this subject.

Grakyn. Sleek, ebony, flying nightmares. Keep away from these. They are the enemies eyes and ears and ideal for scouting. They cast spells, including bolts of power.

http://davidburrows.org.uk/fantasy_creatures.html

Genie Joke

Three men, an English man, an American and a French man, when one of them discovers a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a very grateful genie who grants them a wish each.

The American goes first. "I love my country and want to help the world. I wish America could produce enough grain to feed everyone."

"A good and noble wish," says the genie as he grants it.

The French man is next, "I too love my country but we have been invaded too often. I want to protect my country. Build a wall around it."

The genie says, "Good wish," and grants it.

Finally, the English man. "Tell me a bit more about this wall around France."

"It's thirty feet high and fifteen feet thick," says the genie. "It is continuous without a single gap."

"Great," says the English man. "Fill it with water."

Ahhh - Jogging Nightmare

Out jogging today and the path was blocked by 5-6 people with dogs, standing an chatting. As I approached, most of them stepped back to let me through -- apart from one woman who looked and then went back to chatting.

Thanks to her I had to step around them, on to very muddy ground. You guessed it, wallop -- straight on my backside. All pride gone.

Thanks lady!

Cruel Genie Fantasy Joke

A guy was walking on a beach when he found an old lamp. He rubbed it to get a better look at what he'd found. Pow, out pops a genie.

In typical fashion, if you've ever met a genie, the genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man was shocked that the genie knew he had an ex-wife, but then again he was a genie.

After thinking for a while he said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and of course his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would like a million pounds." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million pounds.

Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

Check out more Fantasy Jokes at http://davidsfantasyjokes.blogspot.co.uk/

David's Fantasy Characters

Death Knight These occur twice in Prophecy of the Kings and in slightly different guises. The most formidable are those created in the name of Ryoch, the false god. I’ll leave it to the novel to explain how these are created, but beware…it’s very gruesome.

Demon. The demon world is dying and demons cross the Divide to harvest souls. The Divide is only thin enough to allow this every 500 years. Demons are very powerful and the more powerful the demon the harder it is to summon it. Only the bravest sorcerers can summon demons and this is via elementals. Once summoned it is a battle of wills and the sorcerer often has to fight for the sake of his own soul! An eternity of damnation awaits if he/she gets it wrong.

See my list of characters from the Prophecy of the Kings at 

http://davidburrows.org.uk/fantasy_creatures.html